Surreal Mind Voyaging

I want to share what may well rank as the most bizarrely weird and surreal occurrence to transpire in entirety of my current existence within this space/time continuum. I am just not sure that the English language, or any language with the possible exception of Navaho, has words capable of expressing the concepts and ideas needed to truly convey the strange eeriness of what took place among the neurons, bio-chemistry and pathways within my brain. I can but endeavour to give you a taste of what was happening in my head when:

Atomic explosions in my brain
Threatened me with being insane

I find the “Holiday Season” stressful and gloomy, so my focus in December was on surviving the Season. This year I navigated the shoals of the season with the most success I have had in decades, sailing through without encountering any real rough weather. I fell into the trap of congratulating myself on my solid mental health. As so often happens when I become smug about progress on the mental hygiene front the Universe rose up and smacked me back into reality.

So it was that a few days before the start of the New Year Mr. DEPRESSION came to visit. Now, over the last few years in my quest to continue on my path to recovery and steadily improving mental health I had endured and dealt with a few visits from his much smaller, younger brother Mr Depression. This visit was from the Big Bro’ – Mr. DEPRESSION himself, taking hold and dragging me down through the floor my medication usually puts on Depression plunging downward into a Hole of Calcutta pit of despair, where the old “floor” was now a ceiling appearing higher than the stars themselves.

Mr. Big D brought along his old friends, and my old acquaintances, anxiety, panic attack, obsessive/compulsive behaviours, agoraphobia, fear, anger, low self-esteem, old ways of thinking, destructive core beliefs, squirrel on a running-wheel run-a-way thinking et al. Up until this visit, while I may have been depressed, my head was full of “reasons” to be depressed courtesy of these travelling companions who filled my head with their ceaseless screaming chatter. So it was that I came to be facing the New Year with a head full of negative voices and depressed as *bleep*.

This time however I was not standing on the precipice unarmed, helpless and cowering before DEPRESSION and old acquaintances. Over the past months and years I have acquired a toolbox full of tools for maintaining and improving my mental health. Knowledge, understanding, cognitive therapy techniques, support group, Wellness Recovery Action Plan(ning) all permit me to be proactive in my own headspace.

So it was that the battle was joined! Living in the moment, paying careful attention to the thoughts in my mind, examining those thoughts as they entered my consciousness, examining underlying assumptions back to their supporting core beliefs, together with the many other tools in my mental toolbox let me deal with all my old acquaintances. Steadily whittling down these mental weeds until I and Mr. DEPRESSION were left alone, facing each other in the recesses of my mind.

Then things proceeded to get REALLY strange. DEPRESSION had always before been obscured by all the chatter, the static from every other thought and voice in my head. Suddenly I found myself in quiet solitude with DEPRESSION, no distractions, nothing to come between us, just me and DEPRESSION face-to-face. Mano a mano as it were. Un-really surreal. Uncanny. Bizarre. An idiosyncratic voyage to the lunatic fringe.

As I noted the English language fails to provide me with words or concepts sufficient to convey the timeless, twilight zone, alternate dimension feel that I found myself experiencing at this point in time.

I found myself in the calm of my centered mind, almost serene – just depressed as *bleep*, enveloped by the stygian darkness of my mental illness. A rational part of my mind was ticking over, monitoring and evaluating the FACTS, seeing no reason for being depressed yet aware that what was going on was DEPRESSION. Just being, serenely looking at a world of deepest BLACK. Strange does not, can not, begin to express just how other-worldly an experience it indeed was.

This other worldliness was compounded by the knowledge of depression, brain chemical imbalances and my own mental information processing. Totally aware of the reality of what was transpiring, literally a prisoner in my own mind, of my own brain chemistry, looking out at the world through my eyes – aware of the unseen and un-see-able bars on my cell.

I knew what was going on and KNEW all I could do was endure the journey, however long it would prove to be. Time and timing of the “visit” was a part of the unreality of the situation. One night I had gone to bed upbeat. Sometime during that night Mr. DEPRESSION had crawled into my head and I awoke depressed having no idea how long HE would stay. I just knew the length of the visit was beyond my control, that the duration was up to the alchemical processes of my brain.

Calmly wielding the tools needed to deal with attempted intrusions from my old acquaintances left me alone with DEPRESSION. Calm logical, rational, almost computer like awareness, Serenity and DEPRESSION all inhabited a common space between my ears. So for the next 2+ weeks it was just ME, the logical, rational observer portion of my mind and DEPRESSION dwelling together in the calm, serene center of my mind. With the logical, rational observer that resides in my mind keeping me informed of exactly what was going on.

Each day I forced myself from bed rather than giving into the urge to hibernate 20 hours a day. Choosing a few of tasks to perform each day in order to make myself leave my dark cave and venture out into the world of light and air because I knew it was necessary to Recovery. It was also part of my WRAP plan for when Mr. DEPRESSION came to play head games.

When I ran into people in the world I let friends and acquaintances know I was deeply depressed but dealing with it and to give me extra space. Others I warned that my depression made me prone to either flaying the skin from their bodies, verbally for the most part, or simply ripping their heads off. This served to cause them to also be careful of giving me the space I needed. In the past denial had caused many problems and stresses in dealing with people. In being up front I found myself with the space I needed to function with a minimum of added stress or problems. The truth shall set you free indeed.

So it went ME and DEPRESSION with the observer providing information and dispassionate commentary. There just are no words to truly express the strangeness of spending days, hours, minutes, seconds looking at a world that is deepest BLACK with a total awareness of why it was so BLACK. As time and awareness past it just grew more surreal, even weirder. It was this AWARENESS that made this such an ultra strange journey.

Then I woke one morning, looked around, and there was light in the world again. One night *click* and DEPRESSION was present, time passes and one night *click* and LIGHT was present. In between I had made a most bizarrely weird and surreal journey through the recesses of my own MIND.

Tsunami?

“A perfect method for adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large” Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby

It looks as though Abbotsford could well have a dramatic summer on the homeless front. The Shelter is currently seeing unprecedented numbers of new faces, no longer arriving by 1’s or 2’s but in groups of 6 – 8. For the first time people who should have been guaranteed a bed, those with under 5 nights at the shelter, are failing to get a bed because of the volume of new people arriving and using the Shelter. At this point in time there are new faces, new people literally pouring into the city.

Abbotsford City Hall has always used “if we put in facilities it will attract a flood of homeless” as an excuse for doing nothing. When warned that they were facing a flood of homeless anyway and asked how they planned to deal with that, they chose not to see or acknowledge this possibility. Even in the face of common sense, human dynamics and the accelerating rate of homeless creation.

Yes Abbotsford City Hall hired a social planner and created and Advisory Committee on social issues, but to date the net result has been to allow Abbotsford City Hall to effectively procrastinate, taking no action on any of the pressing social issues facing the City, particularly homelessness and addiction.

“Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait – The truth is, there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don’t count.” Robert Anthony

Abbotsford City Hall, and unfortunately the citizens, are currently facing the prospect of finding the city streets awash with the flood of homeless people currently threatening to inundate the City. At which point Abbotsford City Hall will react with its patented lack of foresight, planning and intelligence. Leaving the City facing another set of expensive, messy and unnecessary problems because Abbotsford City Hall chooses not to hear or see what it does not what to see or hear.

Aristotle taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. One would almost think he had meet those at Abbosford City Hall.

Community = ???

During this past week, first at a tele-learning session and then at a planning session for Vibrant Abbotsford, the word community was bandied about. I began to wonder about several questions: does community always mean the same thing or does it take on varying meanings depending on usage or context, even when it is the same person using the word; how much difference in what they mean by community is there between different people, even when they are speaking about the same set of circumstances or conditions; how many of those who use the word community have actually stopped to consider what they mean in using the word community; are any of cities of those groups affiliated with the Vibrant movement actually living in a community in more than a geographical sense?

We develop learning plans to learn about the extent and character of poverty, attitudes towards poverty and the assets available to reduce poverty all in our communities. Are we failing to ask the most important question of all: do we live in a community or just a collection of buildings and people in a convenient geographical spot? Is not the existence of community fundamental to any poverty reduction?

In writing www.homelessinabbotsford.com I have asserted that Abbotsford is not a community in more than a geographical sense. That in fact Abbotsford is the most unfriendly and unwelcoming city I have lived in, having lived in many major Canadian cities including Toronto. I have advanced the argument that the behaviours of the numerous churches make a major contribution to the lack of community in Abbotsford. In a city that prides itself on the number of churches within its boundaries, this line of reasoning has caused some members and leaders of these organizations to be less than happy with me.

Why do I make this assertion? All these churches provide focal points for their members to form separate groups (cliques) turning inward and away from their fellow citizens in an exclusionary way. With the large number of churches in Abbotsford, this behaviour of turning inward to focus on a single church based group and exclude ties to non-members, makes these churches a major barrier to Abbotsford becoming a Community.

For is not Community rooted in interconnectedness? Organizations or practices that discourage widespread connectedness in favour of exclusionary small circles of people with barriers between them and others contribute greatly to Abbotsford’s failure to become a Community.

This interconnectedness, this sense of Community is not something that exists only in our past as suggested by all those who long for “the old days, when neighbour helped neighbour”. It thrives in our smaller towns and cities and exists in some larger municipalities which have the required citizen behaviours.

At one point I was mixed farming on a farm 50 kms outside Boyle, Alberta. As a small town of 3 – 400 Boyle was the booming metropolis for the region and the Postal delivery center. Less than two weeks after I arrived on the farm, without ever having been into Boyle itself, a letter from a great aunt of mine addressed simply to James Breckenridge, Boyle Alberta arrived without delay. What made this noteworthy was that in order to get delivered the address should have the rural route #, the location box number and the individual post box number within the location box.

Without me ever being in Boyle itself the postmistress was aware of my arrival and location because of the interconnectedness of the Community. Note that the “community of Boyle” encompassed hundreds of square kilometres and the widespread farms and ranches within that area. Community then is not defined by a neat centralized geographic location but by the interconnectedness of those who form or make up the Community.

I tend to get strange looks when I say that perhaps my favourite city to live within in Canada is Saskatoon, which is admittedly a little chilly in winter. For me this coolness of temperature was more than offset by the warmth of the Community. I suspect that a contributing factor is that many residents are from farms or rural communities and still have ties to those farms and communities. You also have a large University of Saskatchewan student population comprising a significant percentage of the City’s total population.

I drove into Saskatoon with a pickup truck full of clothing, music and books knowing no one in the City. Yet from the time, shortly after arrival, I found a place to live I felt connected to the City. My landlords were from a farming community and made me feel welcome, even part of the family. Considering my mental health issues this feeling of connection says a great deal about the welcome they extended. It also says something about the feeling of connectedness throughout the City that I felt and still feel a connection to the City.

The difference between Saskatoon and Abbotsford lies in interconnections. Saskatoon also had many sub-communities from Boy Scout troops and churches to the University – itself made up of many sub-communities. Yet Saskatoon, a City of similar size to Abbotsford, is a Community for the reason that its citizens are connected to the Community itself. In Saskatoon the subgroups by and large have and encourage connections to other groups, neighbours, neighbourhoods and the City itself.

In Abbotsford the subgroups by and large are exclusionary denying connection to others outside the subgroup with the result Abbotsford is comprised of a series of unconnected sub-groupings of people living in a geographical location with that geological location being the only commonality they share among the different subgroups or cliques. This lack of interconnectedness means Abbotsford requires leadership if it is to become a Community; leadership and vision to bring about the changes and interconnectedness to be a Community.

If Community is a result of interconnectedness is there another major factor we need to be aware of and take into consideration? Yes, the fact that this interconnectedness is not achieved without effort or cost.

I have heard people in Abbotsford speak covetously of those days when if a barn burned down all the neighbours turned out help rebuild. “Those were the good old days when community meant something” they rhapsodize. Then turn around and say “Oh I cannot help there or do that because I do not have time or that’s my movie night or I’m to tired or No I cannot miss MY TV show or …” As if community is state of nature requiring no effort to acheive.

Community is not about it being easy or requiring no effort or sacrifice. It is not all about you but about the Community. When they speak longingly of a community where neighbours turned out to help rebuild the barn, they ignore or refuse to see the sacrifices the neighbours made in order to help. The chores of the farmer from the neighbouring farm do not magically disappear or do themselves. After helping raise the barn he has to go home and do his own chores, putting in the long, extra hours it takes to make up the time he gave to help his neighbour.

We are losing our Communities not to growing complexity of society or growth in population and city size, but to our own concern for and centeredness on SELF. The more it becomes all about ME, the less connected we become to each other and our communities. We are losing our Communities to our own selfishness.

So why is this idea of Community so important? Because poverty reduction is going to require a willingness to make sacrifices for others in the Community, whether in volunteering one’s time, a willingness to pay slightly more for goods so that stores can pay living wages or perhaps a willingness to call upon companies you own stock in to pay as much attention to their employees and the communities they operate in as to the bottom line.

There remains another very important aspect of considering what community is/means. As noted in the second paragraph of this discussion paper, learning plans are about assessing the readiness of the Vibrant communities to undertake poverty reduction. Does it not follow that an integral part of any learning plan must be and examination of what we mean when we speak of Community? That we need to make a careful consideration of whether we live in a Community or merely occupy a geographical happenstance?

There are major implications that flow from the assertion made that in fact we live not in Communities but in collections of people whose commonality is, for the most part, limited to the position – the latitude and longitude – they occupy. If, Then. If interconnectedness and Community are vital to achieving the changes needed to affect poverty reduction on the micro or macro level; then we must bring about and sustain Community to accomplish anything, including poverty reduction.

In assuming a state of Community Vibrant Abbotsford and other Vibrant communities may well be doomed to endlessly spin their wheels, getting no traction for change because this fundamental assumption is, at least in my mind incorrect. While formulating and executing a learning plan is a necessary component of bringing about the changes needed for poverty reduction it is not the most crucial aspect. In fact up some circumstances the learning plan could prove useful but ultimately dispensable

I assert that the indispensable requisite condition is the existence of Community whether at a single geographical location or nation wide. It follows that any effort to effect poverty reduction requires this state of Community to exist at the level the attempted poverty reduction is being made. Therefore it is imperative that while Vibrant Abbotsford is following its learning plan it must also be bringing about a state of Community in Abbotsford. If not Vibrant Abbotsford will find itself with a completed learning plan but lacking a Community to make use of the knowledge flowing from the learning plan.

I would also assert that a careful consideration of the question of Community is a vital undertaking for all members of the Vibrant initiative, including Tamarack. Else we risk finding ourselves knowing at least some of the changes we need to effect to reduce poverty, but unable to bring about change because the essential enabling condition of Community is nonexistent.

Who are the/what is homeless?

We throw the term homeless around without stopping to think about exactly what the word homeless means. The way we view the homeless issue, the policies we design to deal with the issue and the effectiveness of these policies in reducing homelessness and its related social ills is directly affected by the definition of homeless. Defining homeless incorrectly will disguise the cause of these social ills resulting in misdiagnoses, with the result that your course of treatment or action will have no effect, may in fact worsen or perpetuate these ills.

Let’s frame this in terms of something we all have experience with: the common cold. Colds are viruses but many people run to their doctors demanding antibiotics to “cure” them in the mistaken belief antibiotics will cure a cold. The antibiotics have no effect on the cold, but as we have learned to our grief using antibiotics in this way has led to the development of super bacteria which many of our overused medications no longer affect.

If we look at the common cold as to what its true nature is, a virus, we know that frequent washing of hands and an awareness of how viruses spread is effective in combating the common cold. Similarly we need to define or see homeless in a way that reveals its true nature before we can begin to “cure” it.

Stop and consider for a moment: what is meant by homeless and of far more significance what should be meant by homeless. The definitions below are from Webster’s dictionary. Unfortunately for both the homeless, who remain homeless, and the taxpayers, whose money is wasted in ineffectual manners, politicians and policy makers focus on or use “sleep in the streets, parks, etc.”

Homeless: adj. having no home; without a permanent place of residence.**

the homeless: those typically poor or sometimes mentally ill people who are unable to maintain a place to live and therefore often may sleep in the streets, parks, etc.

The result of this is programs and actions such as the current focus on outreach programs designed to get the homeless into housing. Get them a place to stay and you have success right? Wrong. Placing somebody into housing when they are “unable to maintain a place to live” is a pointless exercise. It gives the appearance of doing something and taking action but accomplishes nothing. The only real things this type of approach, getting someone into housing for a month or two before the true nature of their illness causes them to lose their temporary housing, achieves is to waste the resources expended while allowing the homeless to multiply.

The important parts or concepts in the above definitions are “without a permanent place of residence” and “unable to maintain a place to live”.

The first portion “without a permanent place of residence” allows us to better see and appreciate the scope and the progress of this social ill. In many ways the visibly homeless are the tip of an iceberg of homeless. With a fluid, moving population that is motivated to remain out-of-sight and out-of-mind of the authorities it is impossible to count this population with any accuracy. This is reflected in the recent assertions that the actual number of those without shelter is 4 – 5 times the “official” numbers. Before we get bogged down in a fruitless, since you will never be able to count the homeless accurately enough to determine the actual number of “outdoors” homeless, arguments let us consider an important and very large group most fail to consider in their definition of homeless.

This group would consist of those with a place of residence but whose place of residence is without permanence. There are several residential treatment facilities in the Abbotsford, BC area. Among these clients some will be returning to family, jobs, homes etc. However a significant portion of these people have no permanent place of residence to return to. Are they not effectively homeless? Once they are out of treatment they are on their own and on the streets.

Think about the growing population of those who have lost their jobs, cannot afford their rent and will in the near future be evicted. Or those who cannot afford to pay their debts will soon face foreclosure and being on the streets. Do not forget those with mental health or addictions issues that will soon see them on the street. Consider the plight of the working poor who even though employed full time cannot afford the sky-high cost of housing in the Lower Mainland. Are not all these groups of people effectively homeless?

The object of this thinking exercise is not to run up the homeless count as high as possible. Rather it is to frame the true extent of the problem facing us. The Homeless population is growing and in looking at homeless in its most broad terms we can see the potential for a tidal wave of homeless pouring onto the streets, swamping the system with the potential for crime, violence and an escalating crisis.

This looming social crisis with its inherent possibility of disaster demands that we take effective action to begin to reduce the homeless population. We can no longer afford the practice of continuing to repeat, over and over, policies and programs that have demonstrated they do not work in the hope that by some miracle they will work THIS TIME. That is an insane way to behave and while this is normal government behaviour we can no longer, as a society, allow government to practice this insanity. The cost, the potential for disastrous consequences, has become too high.

We need to look to and consider the second point that flows out of the definitions for direction in creating an approach and programs to avoid the potential disaster. The second “unable to maintain a place to live” points us at what it is, the virus as it were, that we need to focus our efforts to affect a “cure” on. Sticking them into housing over and over and over again will accomplish nothing unless we address what it is that renders them “unable to maintain a place to live”.

Our programs must therefore be designed to allow the homeless to make the changes they need to make in themselves in order to be able to maintain their housing on a permanent basis. We know that this population has problems and issues that render them “unable to maintain a place to live” such as addictions, mental health challenges, behaviour problems, personal issues etc. We need to acknowledge that these are not easy difficulties to deal with and frame our terms of reference in a realistic manner.

The most important, overriding feature is the need for a realistic view of the time and support that is required to accomplish what must be done in order for the homeless to bring about the personal changes they need to make in order that they will be able to “maintain a place to live”. Only once they are capable of functioning in a manner permitting them to have a home on a permanent basis will they cease to be homeless.

My personal experience with mental illness and pursuing mental health has taught me just how much time, effort and support is required in this change/journey. Unless we begin to design our programs to address the homeless based on the reality of the critical need to invest time and support to bring about the needed personal changes the numbers of homeless will only continue to grow and accelerate until they spiral out of control.

We like to claim to be an intelligent species. If we wish to remain masters of our own fate on issues such as the homeless we need to stop business as usual and start acting in an intelligent manner on this and other pressing social, environmental and economic issues.

Keep your eyes peeled for the hidden costs.

Plan A – those pesky, not so little, inconvenient hidden costs.

With all the major costs and money problems that are coming to light with Plan A there is something I am also concerned about that has the potential to cause annoyances and problems for Abbotsford’s citizens.

Abbotsford City Hall has pulled millions of dollars seemingly out of nowhere for major costs, land and now a parkade, for Plan A. I will not dispute their claims these are not really expenses, although I will refer them to Moe Gill who has realized the money spent by Abbotsford City Hall is an expense to the taxpayers, because the label is not the point that is important.

In spite of Abbotsford City Hall’s hocus-pocus these millions were not pulled from nowhere like a rabbit from a hat. Unless they are suddenly going to claim they have Rumpelstiltskin in the bowels of City Hall spinning straw into gold. Which come to think of it would not be to far removed from all the other fairy tales they have been telling to citizens about Plan A and other pressing matters.

We have millions of dollars from somewhere. We have the tens of thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands of dollars the city expended on pretty pictures, “fact finding” taxpayer funded trips, a blizzard of advertising materials, a costly party on the exhibition grounds, telephone blitz etc.

All this money was not pulled from thin air but from City coffers. I do not seem to recall any budget items such as these? So it must come from other areas in spite of Abbotsford City Hall’s claim it was just laying around. My concern is that they are guilty of “robbing Peter to pay Paul” and that it is taxpayers who will be stuck with the price of repayment.

So what is it that will be cut in order to make up the shortfalls caused by Abbotsford City Hall’s profligate spending on Plan A? Pothole repair? Sport field maintenance? Facility maintenance? Services? Ok I admit that you could not tell if services were cut due to the City Hall being unfamiliar with the concept. Still you get the idea.

Abbotsford City Hall has made it clear that it is up to the citizens to look out for their own best interests and protect themselves from Abbotsford City Hall. One facet of the Monitor is to monitor those who should, but have failed to, be looking out for the City’s and citizen’s best interest and future. We have a problem and clearly we must all pitch in to deal with it. So keep your eyes open and let us at the Abbotsford Monitor hear about what other hidden costs we are paying for Plan A. Oh, be sure to let council and senior city managers hear about it as well – loudly and often. Remember: caveat emptor – let the taxpayer beware.