Post Post Script to Is? or Is Not?
Surviving the period between Thursday and Tuesday was an interesting exercise in not losing control. ‘Don’t do anything stupid or self sabotaging’ was a well used mantra as the stress kept trickling adrenalin into my system threatening to turn anxiety into Panic.
When Tuesday finally arrived it developed that there was no cheque waiting. Upon hearing this, panic kicked my anxiety, panic and flight response into overdrive and all I wanted to do was bolt. As I started to do just that, the person I was speaking with spoke telling me to stay while he checked the status.
Hanging grimly onto the vestiges of self control, I was informed that they were running about 4 days behind and my PPMB was awaiting final approval. There was no way to tell when that would occur so I needed to check back daily.
He did say I could phone in but when I am running along the edge between anxiety and panic it is far easier to go down in person that it would ever be to phone, to use the phone period.
Wednesday, after another long, nerve wracking, panic inducing wait I was informed that the cheque for $47 had been mailed out; $47!!!??? – It was quite an adrenaline rush that triggered.
I am not sure what the thinking, or non-thinking, behind mailing out a rent cheque for September on September 1st is.
$47? I was beginning to reconsider the question of whether the Universe really was out to get me.
The nice lady I was speaking with checked the file and found an error had been made in making the calculation of the amount of the adjustment and that it should have been $500 higher. She went out of her way to get a cheque printed off and in my hands right then and there. Which is just as well as it is the weekend (Saturday September 4) as I write this update and the mailed out first adjustment cheque is still in the mail.
Strange, but the error in calculating the adjustment was a good thing as I was able to take the 2nd adjustment cheque to the bank, cash the cheque, top the cheque amount up from my account and pay the rent.
With the matter resolved I … sat on the couch and melted into the couch as the adrenaline tap was turned off and my system crashed in response. Whether caffeine, amphetamine or adrenaline – when the stimulant driving the body ends the body wants its recovery rest/nap/sleep.
Since that evening it has been a balancing act*, managing between my body and mind wanting to rest and recuperate and the words (of which these are a small part) screaming to get free – out onto the page, the internet and wherever else they can find a home or a mind.
For Your Information: a short nap befell the author between the writing and the editing of these words.
While the Universe may not be out to get me it certainly seems to be out to toy with me – or should that be Test me?