I have been attempting to make progress on dealing with the disposal of the Hoard and packing the materials I want to keep and move to my new lodging.
Access to much of what I want to keep requires the removal of a significant portion of the Hoard.
The biggest barrier is the panic attacks triggered when I start working on the material that must be removed from the basement suite before the end of February. It is not that the other mental issues triggered by being forced to move don’t also serve as barriers, but they are not as physically debilitating as the panic attacks and their aftermath.
A particular pain in the ass is getting caught in a could have/should have loop. Beating myself up again and again for something that cannot be changed [the past] is pointless, painful and wastes/interferes with both the now and future; leading to additional could have/should have mental self-flagulation.
It is Tuesday night so I am at work which provides a respite since working provides the distraction that keeps my mind from obsessing about the volume, size and weight of the material to be removed thereby preventing any mental fireworks.
In the morning after work I will stop for a coffee to allow regional recycling to open as my car is packed with printers, small electronics, a plethora of chargers and monitors that were part of the Hoard.
It has been a struggle but I have managed to at least start removing and disposing of the hoard.
The issue at the top of my priority is how to dispose of [trash] the hoard in the most cost effective and efficient way.
On my way home from regional recycling I will stop at Wal-Mart and pick up another box of 100 Glad black 70 L plastic bags. There is a lot of Hoard and having made a start it seems that it will work much better if the bags are neither overfilled nor overly heavy.
Not knowing, at least at this point, how I will get everything to the dump for disposal, is not a barrier to bagging and moving the ‘for disposal’ out of the house and into the yard. Besides preparing the Hoard for transport and disposal it will also provide space for packing my books, electronics, housewares and clothes for transport to my new lodging.
I will see how bagging the Hoard progresses Wednesday/Thursday since work on Thursday night would provide a calmness that will facilitate review, planning or decisions.
One of the challenges that dealing with moving has awoken is ADD. Part of ADD for me is that it makes answering or using a phone difficult, often impossible. When I am really stressed and in full blown catastrophizing it makes reading email or other messages problematic – a circumstance that makes getting ideas, information, help, coordinating or organizing offered help a challenge.
I do have some savings so I could pay for some assistance as long as the bang for the buck was sufficient
The human brain is an amazing and baffling thing.
Writing these words provides perspective of the situation, an opportunity set out actions to be taken and to share challenge the Hoard and moving are for me.
At the same time my gut is strained and my mind feels like descending into gibbering.
The real mind blower is that I can understand what is going on in my head and have tools to manage the challenges and still be overwhelmed.
Hmm…… I suppose all I really need is some clothes and my laptop and other mobile devices…… should something like a tragic house fire occur.
Today, Tuesday, being the 1st of February I wrote a cheque for February’s rent and gave it to my new landlord so I am unlikely to have to live in my car.
Thursday
As I wrote I had thought to bag some of the Hoard and move it outside to await disposal but as I was arriving home it was starting to snow.
The Hoard was born when the Universe flooded my suite. I plan to begin to remove the Hoard and the Universes snows in February on the south coast of BC. You are not paranoid when the universe really is out to get you.
I seem to be alternating between my brain in overdrive and being stuck in sleep for an extended period. Neither is very productive…….but sleep is a lot easier on the state of my mind.
I did gather and load my car with metal and paper that I will take to Regional recycling after finishing work.
Hopefully this weekend I will bag and relocate a significant portion of the Hoard outside so it can be disposed of once I ascertain how.